Some Much-Needed Venting

Okay, so this is where I whine… a lot. I highly recommend skipping this post altogether and tuning back in tomorrow when I will hopefully be on a more even keel. You have been warned.

Things that are irking me:

• Zombie dreams
• Not enough sleep
• Stiff ankle and heel pain (still)
• Stiff, achy joints
• Emotional overload
• Work stress
• Health anxiety
• Water/weight gain
• CRAMPS
• Feline conflicts due to poor personal hygiene (theirs, not mine)
• Family concerns
• Forgot my trainers for walking today
• Bad health news for friends’ loved ones
• How long it takes me to get ANYTHING done
• That I am not more organised, motivated, empathic, crafty, driven, focused, über, etc.
• Political craziness and angst in this country
• Digestive ickiness
• Weeds

Of course, it’s not all bad.

Things that are pretty awesome:

• My hubby
• Chai
• Chocolate brownie  ❤
• My sandalwood mala- it’s like aromatherapy all day
• Fuzzy sweaters
• My hair growing out (and not falling out)
• Visiting family and salmon dinner over the weekend
• Hubby’s parents had a spare microwave to tide us over until we get the mounted unit
• Also gave us a spreader to help with our lawn maintenance
• Good news from close friends and more social plans with them coming up

I am more than a bit tired of the emotional roller coaster lately. My stress management is not going so great (something else that I need to work on- whee) and my anxiety about my health is helping nothing. Bah.

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Cranktastic

• I am tired.
• I am cold.
• I ache.
• I am sniffly.
• I have a blister on my left heel.
• My back and shoulders are stiff.
• I have a recurring headache behind my right eye.
• My nose is oily.
• My nose has a pimple on it.
• I need to lose weight.
• My teeth are less than white.
• There is no hot water in the women’s lavatory at work.
• Did I say that I was cold? I lied. I’m FREEZING.
• My forehead is broken out.
• My hair is eh.
• My feet are sweaty. (Yet cold. Ew.)
• I saw a video of myself when I didn’t know I was being shot. Not only was it bad light/angle so I looked jowl-y, but I was also concentrating with forehead wrinkles AND did that sneer-y nosewrinkle thing I do when I walk my glasses up my nose. Oh, and a head-toss to get my fringe out of my eyes. I looked a pretentious git with forehead acne. Thankfully, I can erase the evidence.
• I have cramps. Let me rephrase that. I have muscle cramps and I have cramps. Double-whammy there.
• Thankfully, my bug bites don’t itch, which guarantees that I will accidentally scrape one in the next five minutes and then be tortured with itchiness all throughout my upcoming 90-minute meeting.
• My glasses are scratched and wobbly.

Also, stress dreams? Those can stop any time now. I had the “ohmygoshit’sfinalsandIhaven’tbeentoclassallsemester” dream AND dreamt that I accidentally took all the pills in my pill case at once and then had to spit them out. That was new. And freaky. I did not like it.

I am sure that there are other cranky things, such as being perpetually behind on housework, but those are pretty standard and hardly in the same category. Thought that I would mention them just for completeness’ sake, of course.

And yet, despite all of this, I could deal just fine if it only I didn’t feel as if a malignant spirit is inserting a knife into random joints and parts of my general anatomy and twisting. I do not apologise for being graphic. It fucking hurts. I want a do-over.

(I love mangoes)

Image from We Heart It

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Things That Irk Me

I have a bunch of little things going on right now that are driving me crazy, so I’m going to vent a moment:

• Mystery gastrointestinal upset. I thought it was caused by one of my secondary medications, but what was only periodic before has been going on for a week now, so I suspect it’s one of my primary meds. Lots of talking with doctors. It’s only been a week so they’re not worried, but I take this medication twice a day- FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. If this is going to be an ongoing issue we need to treat it or change my meds. Period.
• Sores that take forever to heal. I want to smack my immune system so it does its job instead of attacking things that don’t deserve it.
• A chapped nose. It is way too cold in Florida and even tissues with lotion can only handle so much.
• Noisy neighbours. I really need my sleep. You are keeping me awake or waking me up. I don’t like you. Just stop it.
• Insomnia. Combined with the issue above I get really thin-skinned after a couple of days.
• Dry air. It is cold and dry here right now, which is a trigger for my asthma. Not a problem as long as I don’t try to do anything too active, such a sprint from my car to a building because it’s so damn cold.
• Forgetting to take my muscle relaxant after working out. Getting out of bed was agony. I think I learned *that* lesson.
• Headaches that are just waiting to turn into migraines, but refuse to respond to treatment. It’s going to wait and sneak up on me when I least suspect it and it’s going to be a really long day so I won’t be able to do crap about it. I Can Tell. Of course, if I had remembered my muscle relaxant right night I probably wouldn’t have woken up with a stiff neck, which is one of my triggers. Grr.
• Soft fingernails that tear easily.
• Forgetting to take my pills with lunch, so I have to find something to eat so I can take them.
• Forgetting to take a lactaid with dairy. I should really know better by now about this one.
• The after taste from my lunch pills if I don’t eat enough before taking them.  :p

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Vehicular Venting

The last day or two have been full of ups and downs. It’s always difficult to come back to work after a long break, so I caught up on easy e-mail on Sunday. This made Monday much smoother and I had a steadily productive day- busy but not hectic. I was driving home, patting myself on the back and looking forward to my workout with my personal trainer when the check engine light came on.

This is especially ironic since I am seriously considering a new car. There is a pretty tempting deal out there right now that I would be a fool to ignore. I adore my Honda, but it’s a ’96 with 223k miles on it and has seen better days. It is my first car that I “bought” (re: was gifted to me) with 206k on it when I moved away from reliable public transportation. Learning to drive was scary and I’m still not entirely comfortable with it, but I enjoy the freedom and being able to put things in the trunk instead of only being able to buy what I can wrestle onto a bus and carry up four flights of stairs in one go.

That said, every few months something else comes up, and there are some simple (but expensive) body fixes I have put off since I really don’t want to invest in non-essential repairs. I was hoping to keep it going for another year or two until I can buy a hybrid, but it’s quickly getting to the point that I either choose to replace the car now or I’m stuck when the next breakdown turns out to be its last.

So I am kicking myself a bit- if I had gotten off my rear over the weekend I would have saved myself $75 plus tax for a clogged fuel line, and a couple tanks of high-grade gas to clear things out. I’m grateful it wasn’t something more serious, but I’m getting somewhat excited about a new car. I’m not looking forward to hassles of new insurance, registration, parking passes, etc., but it would be nice not to hold my breath every time the car hiccups for fear it’s a last gasp.

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