I am fighting a bad mood this morning.
Despite getting more sleep than the past few nights, it wasn’t restful, and waking up to cold day after day is starting to wear me down. I discovered that at some point yesterday I hit the joint on my left pinkie finger hard enough to split it open and bruise it and have no idea how. Stiff hands make me even clumsier than usual and I broke a plate (and not even one of the faded, chipped ones, either). I couldn’t manage to remove the filter from the cat’s water bottle so I had to wait for hubby to help me with that. And frost on the car with no ice scraper (Florida, remember?) means it takes me extra time to get to work waiting for the windows to heat up enough to see. The cold I thought I was finally shaking appears to have recurred in force and my chest is very congested, and next week will be even more hectic at work than this one is.
I am ready to call a do-over for 2012 already.
As is often the case after a holiday, I am a bit more thin-skinned than usual and it’s harder to acknowledge what is annoying me, examine why, and then let it go. Yesterday was full of fire alarms and the whole week has been one data-reporting problem after another. I think almost all my gripes can be summed up in two points:
- I function best when I am on a regular schedule. My schedule went through several major changes in just three weeks, so I am still unsettled and uncomfortable which makes me snappish when yet another thing keeps me from re-establishing that schedule. Adjusting to sudden changes has never been one of my strong suits and it’s a place I focus on for self-improvement. I need to work on flowing around obstacles instead of allowing them to stop me short.
- I am still fighting expectations about my health, which, when I think about it, is almost identical to point one. I have this mystical base degree of health that I expect to return to after a flare or a cold or an injury. There’s really no such thing, but by imposing this expectation that there should be, I’m not doing myself any favours.
I don’t really do resolutions. Many, many years ago in college I made one resolution and have kept it ever since. It is sometimes hard to keep, but it has been overall good for me and helps keep me centred.
I think I need to add a new one, however, and make it my focus for the new year. Something along the lines of “life is change” and acceptance of that fact. I am currently making changes to make room for change in my life (if that’s not redundant). Hopefully getting back into regular practice will help me let go of some of my anxiety and disappointment so I can focus on all the good things that are happening (and many are, even if they don’t always find their way to this blog).