I filled out a survey the other day collecting information on patient bloggers. It gave me a a chance to think over how the focus of my blog (and its tone) have shifted since I started back in November of 2009, fresh from my RA diagnosis.
One item I keep turning over is the question “how often do you blog?” My posting had fallen off somewhat before vacation, and looking back over my frequency and content, it really made me think about all the things that I haven’t been saying. I have a few drafts that I haven’t posted yet, mainly because admitting things here means I have to admit them to myself as well:
Working makes my health worse.
I could do more to manage my health, especially when it comes to stress.
I am still struggling with depression, and still not ready to treat it with medication yet.
For the most part, this blog is meant to help me find the brighter points of my illnesses. But not acknowledging the darker side of disease is not doing me any favours, and may present an unrealistic image to those who read this blog- whether it be friends and family trying to understand what I’m going through, or other patients looking for others’ experiences to help them through their own struggles.
It’s not all doom-and-gloom either, and there are life issues I’m struggling with that may or may not ever see light of day in this blog, but if I’m honest with myself- that I started this blog to help me communicate my experience and stop internalizing things, then I need to give the hard things equal shrift. I’m going to work on that.