(Disclaimer: I wrote this a week ago and have since settled down some. The sentiment still stands however: it’s easy to blame everything on weight when you don’t know everything that’s going on. Ask before you make snide comments or I’ll start kicking you in the shins. Repeatedly. This also applies to Flu shot discussions.)
There’s nothing like buying new clothes to emphasize changes in size (no play on words intended). I bought a pair of khakis that are exactly like a pair that I bought for work five years ago (still have them in fact). The big difference? Two sizes. I have gained 40 pounds in five years. While my weight is now static again (I haven’t gained in a few months), weight loss seems almost impossible.
My rheumatologist gave me a free pass- to stop worrying about weight and focus on exercise. As soon as we get back from our Thanksgiving travel I will order our elliptical machine. My goal is to work up to 15 minutes of cardio every day. It might be 5 minutes three times a day to start, but that seems very doable for me. Because honestly, my weight scares me.
RA on its own is not deadly, but increased chance for heart disease, stroke, and blood clots is a serious concern.
Not only that, but I really don’t like what I see in the mirror. I know that the extra weight exacerbates my pain and puts strain on my joints. I’d like to feel less guilt when I buy a brownie (which is a much rarer event that it used to be). There are few conditions that maintaining a healthy weight and exercise regime won’t improve, but exercise is painful and sometimes debilitating for me. This is not something that is going to change any time soon.
And, honestly, I’d like to shut some people up.
Maybe it’s the holidays and realizing that I am still not in a good place despite a year’s worth of struggle. Maybe it’s seeing family and friends who only see me rarely and have trouble reacting well to changes, or can’t see all the changes I have already pushed through. Maybe I’m just tired of unsolicited advice. But dammit- some people are just damn rude.
This is HARD. This is hard and SCARY. I already second-guess myself just about every minute of every day. YOU DON’T KNOW what I’ve tried and what worked or didn’t. So please, don’t judge. My experience is different from yours, from your relative’s, and from the person in the article you just read or tv show you just watched. You might mean well, but your comments HURT. And you know what? I already deal with enough pain- I really don’t need any more, thanks.
I’m already frustrated and pushing myself more than I should. It’s easy for you to say that I should work less- you’re not paying my medicals bills. It’s easy to suggest change when you don’t have any responsibility for the outcomes. Yes, I know that my situation could be worse; I am fully aware and deeply grateful for what I have, every day. If you really want to be helpful? Ask what you can do to help. Ask what I have tried and what worked. Ask how I feel. If you can’t do those things, please take your comments elsewhere- I have more important things to focus on.
Images from We Heart It